She didn't know that was the last time
The jasmine was doing something ridiculous. Sarah stood at the kitchen window with her second coffee going cold in her hand, watching the vine climb the fence post in the early light, white flowers open like they had somewhere important to be. Daniel had planted it the year Noam was born. Seven years of jasmine.
Outside, the kibbutz was waking up in the way it always woke up — slow and green and smelling like turned earth from the cotton fields. A neighbor's dog moving along the fence line. Ezra from three houses down walking toward the dining hall with his thermos, the same thermos for twenty years.
At 7:40, Sarah walked the kids to the gate of the school annex, watched Noam disappear immediately into a cluster of boys without looking back, watched Maya turn at the door and wave with both hands — the wave of someone departing on an ocean voyage.
The cotton fields ran flat to the fence line. The fence line ran flat to the sky. The sky was enormous and blue and doing nothing particular except being there.
Later — months later, in a hospital room with fluorescent lights and a psychiatrist she hadn't asked for — she would try to remember what she'd been thinking. She would not be able to. She'd been thinking nothing. She'd been standing in the good light, in the smell of turned earth, in the morning of a Friday that did not yet know what kind of Friday it was.
She'd been, for thirty seconds, perfectly fine.
She didn't know that was the last time.